I like to torment the things which I love.
I think I have always been this way. It’s not so much that I like to do it (although I do) but I just do it. When I see cute things I want to be cruel to them. There are a number of elements and motivations that make up this behaviour of mine. Here are just a few examples of it’s manifestation.
first of all, if it is a pretty girl, I find it amusing to call them horrible things, ugly things, to me this is ironic and funny; I will say to my beautiful girlfriend with a loving smile in my voice “Hello you weird little donkey… Hello you ugly, weird, little donkey…” (This is not something I’ve actually said, or rather remember saying, but an example of a random animal or thing I might conjure at a moment such as this) She may know that I am just joking, and indeed why I am joking, and indeed know that the fact is that she is so undeniably cute, I feel comfortable joking in this way (you wouldn’t play this kind of game with an okay-looking girl) but if you simply hear the words “weird little donkey” over and over again it starts to effect you.
Secondly, I had a dog called bobby when I was young, and one day I chased him around the four lengths of veranda that went around my house wearing a Scream mask (like the one from the film Scream – only that film hadn’t come out yet). I chased him around making monster noises until he collapsed in front of the locked doggy-door and started pissing all over himself. I knew that what I was doing was wrong when I was doing it. I knew how scared he was. He didn’t need to piss himself for me to realise that, but I kept doing it anyway. I was just a kid testing boundaries and I instantly regretted my actions. I burst out crying and got down and stated hugging and patting him while he was still peeing – all over us.
Now that last example isn’t really fair to bring up as it is an isolated circumstance that I learnt a lesson from, but it does nevertheless hint towards this hurt-something-cute-so-you-can-cheers-it-up kind of behaviour.
Last night myself and my current girlfriend or victim, were horsin’ around, poking at ribs and just generally messing with each other. She has an irrational fear of people tickling her feet (no matter how irrational, this is quite common) anyway, I think I’ve only actually tickled her feet once or twice maybe, but her fear is so all-consuming that all I need to do is act like I’m going to or threaten to tickle her feet. In fact, all I need to do is make a particular angry face in their direction in order to send her into hysterics! Now this is not something I’ve played at to often, but something that is giddily enjoyable because everything about it is weird and ridiculous. So after a low rib poke that made me flinch so hard my laptop hit the wall, I decided to step it up to foot threats! “No! You’re fucked! I’m gonna mess those little things up!” I said as I stormed out of the room to place my computer a safe distance from the melee that would ensue. But all of a sudden her objections broke off into intense whines of agony! I quickly returned to the room to find her on the side of the bed with both her moccasins almost completely laced up, something that she did in the one and a half seconds I was gone! She had done this so frantically that she had caused her calf to cramp!
The horsing around was over and her cramp quickly subsided, but I couldn’t stop laughing about the speed at which all this had transpired – she must have been a blur! “What the fuck is going on?!” I asked. ”I super freaked out and tried to put my shoes on…” she said. I laughed until all holes in my face were leaking or threatening to – so did she. Tormented and cheered up: see what I’m talking about?!
I’m sorry but it is too hard to not be this way.
